Missing someone makes me an artist?

Back in Finland and feeling sudden urge to create and be creative in all the possible ways. For example..




..i want to spend time with my piano again. And..




i am trying to get to know my guitar Arturo II after a long pause. But this one in the picture is not my guitar! Anyway, what is really weird is that even drawing and painting seem to be a nice challenge for me these days. I used not to like them so much before. Now i am waiting to get to buy oil colors and a canvas and a sketch book. I think i will become some kind of artist in the future. I just don`t know what kind of yet.





Next, i will continue my poem writing career. Could i possibly write great little poem book full of love poems which tell about missing someone so badly that it feels like being in an ocean where the waves wash over you. It is very stormy in the evenings and a bit more calm in the mornings.

Acting could be also on my list. What about dancing then? Maybe i could become a ballerina or Baby from Dirty Dancing? What is the funny thing in this sentence is that my mom used to look a bit like her when she was younger.




I don`t know. But i know i miss you Andiboi so much.

Blue moments, blue thoughts

Me, Andiboi, Masu and Misu climbed to the top of Gellert hill to see the moment when the city lights will be switched on. Masu asked me if i think there is a guy who press this one big button and then all the lights suddenly start to light the city. And i think of course there must be. How could it otherwise be possible to switch it all on at the same time?! I would like to work as this guy, cos he actually has so much power on his fingers. Just imagine!

Goodnight Budapest, you are such a beauty!

Welcome to my kitchen!

I don`t know if i should start writing in finnish again..or not. Somehow english has been the right choice for me lately, but what about now when i will go back to Finland? A week left here. E has left, Susi has left, Marie has left and even Misu and Masu has left. I am still here living in Andiboi`s flat and i like it.

So much has happened during these 4 and a half months. I left Finland, Jyväskylä and home in the middle of August, on 13th if being strict. I could write about serious stuff, feelings and tearful things but i decided not to do that and instead i will enjoy every moment and only write happy thoughts. That`s it. Now i will tell you what happened when i baked some Christmas Pulla called Korvapuusti.

First, i think im starting to be quite a professional baker..And to prove this i took this nice picture:

but then Andiboi came to the kitchen and found my camera:

Buuuut, usually when i am in the kitchen something bad happens. I have also dropped pizza on the floor (luckily my friends didn`t care and still ate the whole pizza without toppings) and of course the butter exploded when i put it in the microwave. Last time i baked pulla i broke a glass which i used as a rolling pin, so i had to throw a half of the Pullas away for the general safety of people as i don`t want my friends to eat glass.

So, i have been thinking about starting my own business: "Baby`s Surprise". I could for example cook for weddings, funerals and other big happenings. You never know what kind of surprise you find from your food..And people like to be surprised, right?



This morning it started to snow. These are the first snow flakes falling down from the sky of Budapest this year.


Have a happy holiday people! Relax and enjoy!

6th of December and A BIG BARBECUE!

This is how we spent 6th of December. We had a great Barbecue, my first barbecue ever in wintertime. I will mostly let the pictures tell the story, cos you know what they say: sometimes photos tell more than 1000 words.




Time to play men`s games!

Don't save it all for Christmas Day

11th of December and i suddenly started to miss my favorite Christmas decoration, the small snow fairy who lives on my parent`s Christmas tree. I had the worst hangover ever yesterday and that is probably why i suddenly wanted to be at home with my mom and dad and brother and fairy. Who makes me rice porridge this Christmas if not my mom?

E is leaving in one week and that is the day when i will move to Andiboi`s place for a week and two days. Couple of days ago i tried to make him buy us a Christmas tree but he said it would be too early. I think he had a point.

We have lots of nice plans for our Christmas. But still, for me the most important thing is to be and feel the spirit of Christmas and love in people. I think in Christmas times people usually remember what it is that really matters to them and somehow in a little moment they live like they care about people around them more than ever. They realize how great it is to be loved and give some love. At Christmas times there is a bit of magic in the air. Why couldn`t that feeling always be around?

I am waiting for Christmas and all the magic it will bring. But still, dont save it all for Christmas day, give a little love everyday? Right, yeah?

Let me introduce our love bird pigeons to you

You might think what the hell is this?!

There (as you can see) is two pigeons sitting next to each others. This is the view from the window of our living room. They have built a home together right next to our flat. In the morning there usually is only one pigeon sitting on her seat, or it can be so that none of them is at home at daytime. Then when the afternoon comes, they are both there holding on to each others.

Our pigeons like to kiss and hug. They like to stay close to each others. In the beginning they looked like they were depressed or dead, but now when we have come to know them better, we think they just like to live their life in their own way. Once we saw a dead pigeon and got really scared, but thank god it was just some stupid bird.

And our pigeons are in love with each others. Our pigeons are the world`s only pigeons i don`t feel like kicking all the time i see them. These birds are a miracle, aren`t they? Maybe it is after all possible that these two are the first pigeons that come with the brains..

These two are our little love birds!

I think I found a mandel from my Christmas porridge, didn`t I?

I have made up my mind. I won`t see you Finnish people at Christmas time because i will stay here in Budapest. I am one of those who has spent 23 Christmas with my family in my little hometown. But this year will be different. And i am pretty excited.

Usually my Christmas have been like this: First, working the morning time in a bookstore wrapping presents (i truly enjoy that!), watching the Snowman from tv, going to sauna and eating rice porridge with hidden mandel, listening to Christmas carols, going to church and eating a dinner after that. Last thing would be opening the presents, whippii! Alcohol has never been part of my Christmas, but intead of that bad habit ive getting to know Mr. Chocolate very well in Christmas times. And Mr. Chocolate means eating so much chocolate that i have been feeling sick. Very clever indeed but thats who i am.

I wanna say couple of words about rice porridge and hidden mandels. It is always very nice moment with my family when we gather around the kitchen table and try to find this fucking mandel. It means we all have to eat lots of porridge so that our chances to find mandel grows bigger. And usually the one who gets this little fucker will be very lucky for the whole year or even longer. Usually our discussion goes like this:

year 2009
me: "The one who gets the mandel will find the man of her dreams next year!"
everybody eating..
my dad: "Oh, what is this?! oooooo, its a mandel!"
me thinking: "Niiice, thanks dad!"

year 2010
me:"The one who gets the mandel will find the man of her dreams next year!"
everybody eating, mum laughing to my words..
my brother: "Hey, i got it!"
me: "hmmph...but of course!"

year 2011
me: "The one who gets the mandel will find the man of her dreams next year!"
(my plan is to eat so much that i will for sure find this bastard!)
eating, eating..
me: "Mum, did you put any mandel here at all?!"
mum: "yes, i put two."
eating, eating..

and then..for my biggest surprise i can`t remember anymore what happened last year. I can just say I think it is very much likely that i found the bastard from my plate..


pictures from lovely Natalie Dee.

"You can`t take away my freedom, but you can have my heart"

Once upon a time there was this really wise young woman who said:

"You can`t take away my freedom, but you can have my heart."

And this woman was E. And this woman`s words touched me deeply. I am just asking you to think about this sentence and what it means.

Our place is always full of feelings and emotions. We often laugh, cry and love. We often dance and I often sing. E writes poems. We talk about life. We talk about missing someone. But we are never willing to give up our freedom. I think it is the one thing you should always keep at yourself.

Heart, well what can I say?

We found A Winter Wonderland

..I will now tell you a little secret.

Our secret mission was to find this small village in the middle of forest and in the middle of nothing. We bought a nice map, took a bus to Manfa and started walking without really knowing where to go. Andiboi is quite a good map reader though and I am abso-fucking-lutely not good in that.

Anywway, suddenly we found ourselves walking in a Winter Wonderland. The trees had this white frost covering them and everything was so beautiful around us. I felt happy even though we had no idea where the village was and where were we.

Then we found our village. It was quiet, lonely and there really was 8 or 9 houses. We looked inside these people-free buildings and noticed these buildings looked like they were left empty suddenly and without really thinking what would happen to them. To me it kind of seemed like there used to be so much life, but then something happened. Or maybe it was just that the summer ended?

This time we didn`t have Andiboi`s tent with us, so we started finding our way back to Manfa and the to Pècs. On our way we saved a small kitty which had got stuck in a tree. I hold the rubbish bin against the tree and Andiboi climbed. The kitty started to follow us and i wanted to take it home but then the dogs came and that is a whole new story..

It is so nice to find out the winter wonderland where everything is possible is so close to us..

What happens in Pècs, stays in Pècs

Last weekend we went to Pècs and we had such a nice time there. These pictures tell everything that needs to be told you know. Maybe the second photo needs some explanation, or maybe not?

On saturday night we had this great Tournament 2011. We for example played some football, basketball, black peter and climbed all over the hostel. The funniest thing was that in the evenings we never left our hostel!

Others left on Monday and me and Andiboi we stayed one more night because we had this seacret dangerous mission..

This one is for my Mammutti

I am drinking tea, burning cinnamon-apple candle and waiting to meet my mom, her, sister and my cousin. They are visiting me here in Budapest.

Last night we went to opera to see Rigoletto by Giuseppe Verdi. I understood couple of words and saw - well not so much. But i heard a lot! Our seats were the cheapest and meant for standing. In euros they cost not even 2 euros. It was oh so good. Me and E drank a little bit of expensive white wine before the showtime to relax a bit. And to be classy ladies.

It has been nice to spend time with my mom, whom i nicely call "Mammutti". She is the smallest thing and thats why this nickname is so funny! Still, i feel bad that i decided to leave them alone in this big city for one night and for one half day. Some might think i don`t care about my family, but it is not true! Sometimes i just expect my family to understand even my silliest decisions. I, E and M&M and Andiboi want to spend some time together in Pècs, so thats where we are leaving with E today evening. Others are already there.

Mom, I just wanted to say that i love you. Even though i may not be there in Christmas and even though i am now going away from Budapest a day before planned even though you and T and J are still here. Please, try to understand. I enjoyed these days spent with you three.

I also wanted to say that i am so happy to have a mom, who i know would move the mountains for me if necessary. She cares about me so much that she is constantly worried of me. And it doesn`t help if i say she doesn`t have to worry, cos she still does. I know i can always count on you in everything mom.

I LOVE YOU, MAMMUTTI!

How much is the fish?

Scooter, Pendulum, Infected Mushrooms and Parov Stelar and so on. They even had a small ski jumping hill there and a place where we can do some ice skating. And we will go there again today. This is a festival called "Fridge" in Budapest. We were there yesterday with our awesome HILARIOUS gang. We drank some hot wine with pieces of apple in it. It has been all about the hot wine everywhere since the beginning of November. It was cold, I was almost freezing even though I should be hard core Finnish who is used to staying out in cold weather. But still, this all was very nice even though i was so tired that in the end i started to act like a little kid cos others got in to the warm inside vip-toilets and i had to stand outside in a line. Such a kiddo i was! I am sorry friends.

Yesterday it was a full moon. I am just a bit crazy and believe all these moon changes and how they can effect on us somehow.. :D I love full moon and pictures with it!

Kulttuurimatka Amsterdamiin

Syyslomaksi lensimme Amsterdamiin. Meitä vain huvitti juuri tuo kolkka maailmasta. Myös New Yorkia mietimme, mutta lentojen hinnat tuntuivat päätähuimaavan suurilta köyhille opiskelijoille.

Matkamme teemana oli mm. kulttuuri ja museot. Tarkoitus oli kiertää suunnilleen kaikki kaupungin lukuisat galleriat ja museot. Siksi joudunkin nyt nolona toteamaan, että eihän siinä sitten aivan niin käynytkään. Kävimme kuitenki seksimuseossa ja viimeisenä päivänä myös eräässä toisessa museossa, jossa näimme Rembrandtia tovereineen. Damissa kaikki on ihanan värikästä, juuri sellaista josta minä pidän! Ihmiset näyttävät siltä, kuin olisivat pukeneet päälleen ensimmäiset vaatteet, jotka käsiin kaapista sattuivat. Coffee shopit ovat mielenkiintoisia paikkoja ja vielä mielenkiintoisempaa on punaisten lyhtyjen alue. Tosin tällainen vapaa seksinmyyntikulttuuri ei oikein iske, ei ainakaan hyvällä tavalla! Muuten koko kaupungin alueella leijailee vapaus ja mahdollisuudet niin hyvässä kuin pahassa. Amsterdam on ehdottomasti kokemisen arvoinen kaupunki. Se on täynnä jokia, kirpputoreja ja kaikenlaista pientä jännää.

Matkan tarkoituksena oli irtiotto arjesta. Emme kuitenkaan tajunneet reissuun lähtiessämme, että paluu arkeen olisi sitten vähän vaikeampaa..Ensimmäistä kertaa pitkään aikaan minua vaivaa koti-ikävä ja ikävä koko Suomea ja sen ihmisiä. Samalla mietin mihin lähtisin seuraavaksi, missä maailman kolkassa tekisin harjoitteluni jne. Tällä hetkellä houkuttavilta tuntuvat mm. Glasgow, Edinburgh ja Lontoo. En taas tiedä missä haluan olla, kenen kanssa ja mitä tehden.

Siispä taidan palata kevääksi Suomeen, aloittaa gradua ja asustella E:n kanssa jossain kivassa kaksiossa tai kolmiossa, joogata, juosta (ilmottauduin Tukholman maratonille), viettää aikaa kavereiden kanssa, tehdä töitä ja olla onnellinen. Haluan myös kirjoitella onnellisia postauksia, sellaisia joista tulee hyvälle tuulelle kun niitä lukee.

Where there`s a fire there`s..

This is the song I have been listening to for couple of days now.

Yes, I am still alive. There has been so many things going on in my life lately and I haven`t been able to concentrate things like writing my blog. Last two weeks have been extremely happy but also from time to time very disappointing time. I can just say I have been up and then back down and up and down again. Right now I feel I am trying to find a balance again.

At the same time when I have been having this emotionally hard time, we have had many visitors from Finland. E:s parents, her almost cousin, my childhood friends. It has been very nice but busy.

We have an Autumn holiday here next week, so me and E will leave this city and fly to Amsterdam. It is going to be a cultural trip with lots of couch surfing and poem writing. I know it doesn`t make any sense at all to go to back North from here, but we just couldn`t get the thought of Dami away from our heads.

I have came to realize our time here will end in a month and a half. Thats why i have started to dream of staying here till New Years, but about that I don`t know much yet.

I will be back writing when we come back from our trip. Enjoy life my friends. Love and peace. Take care.

A nice little story of cakes

It is just that
more "no" I keep telling
to myself,
the more "yes" it turns
to feel like.

You know that feeling? Well, I`ve got I nice little example just to help you imagine this. These cakes are standing on the table but you shouldn`t really eat them. You know you would probably like them even more and wouldn`t be able to stop eating.

(please notice that there is no reason why I should`t eat these cakes, so this is only a silly example to illustrate these "no" and "yes".)

Because you are so strong-minded and independent woman and you want to say "no", and you are well able to say "no". You only take couple of pictures of them and leave them be. You walk away and don`t look back...You - cakes 1 - 0.

(or an alternative ending and what really happened: I ATE ALL THAT I COULD AND I WOULD LIKE SOME MORE!)

päivä, jolloin kaikki oli ihanaa

Tänä aamuna halusin kirjoittaa suomeksi, koska se on kieli, jota osaan ja kieli jolla kirjoitan suurista asioista kuten tunteista ja unista. Meillä oli ihana päivä Ludwig Contemporary Arts -museossa.

Museossa unohduimme tuijottamaan ulos ikkunasta, koska vielä taidettakin inspiroivampaa oli se mitä näkyi ikkunasta. Luulikohan joku meitä taiteeksi kun istuimme siinä lattialla runovihot ja kynät käsissämme?

Lopuksi kiipesimme spiraalin muotoisen rakennelman huipulle ja leikimme vesiasioitten kanssa. Sitten ostimme pullon punaviiniä ja menimme kotiin polttamaan jouluntuoksuista kynttilää.